Review of Splatoon 2 gamemodes

I want to actually blog about something but I have nothing interesting to say, so here’s me ranting about Splatoon, which is literally the only thing I play anymore:

  • Turf War is the classic. It’s the game’s iconic gamemode. There’s nothing at risk (except your Freshness, which doesn’t really mean much anyway). You can only get mad when you teammates are idiots and your enemies are pricks. Then ragequit because you’re petty then get a matchmaking ban.
  • Rainmaker is probably the best ranked gamemode. Spend a few minutes studying the stages, and then you can just pick up the Rainmaker and run to the goal via a path that basically nobody takes. Easy win, especially with teammates that are at least marginally competent, and if you’re good enough you can win a match in less than 40 seconds.
  • Splat Zones is Turf War in a smaller area. Interestingly, this is the mode where I’ve been least likely to find people who are awful at playing – maybe the smaller area increases the density of your team’s competence, or something.
  • Tower Control scares me. I don’t know why – it’s probably to do with the fact that it’s my highest rank, but I generally shy away from it. It’s generally a clusterfuck: nobody really wants to ride the tower because they’ll probably get murdered instantly, so you go and rush the tower and then proceed to get murdered instantly.
  • Clam Blitz is used to indicate when you should play Turf War or Salmon Run instead. Speaking of…
  • Salmon Run is a fucking ridiculously impossible lagfest the higher you climb into Profreshional rank. Remember when Nintendo cared about not having FPS drops?
  • Octo Canyon is some easy lore.
  • Octo Expansion is difficult. And I will wear this fucking toothpick forever.
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